Doobzzz
Stone
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2015
THIS IS YOUR WARNING.
THIS IS MINECRAFT EROTICA, IT IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
THIS IS MINECRAFT EROTICA, IT IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Edit: Oh and I'm not sure where I should post stuff like this... people said /ch sex but I obviously can't post something this long there.
It had been a hot, sweaty day in the mines that afternoon, and it was almost sunset. I had better head home soon before nightfall, the virgin thought. Trudging through the thick grass towards his wood cabin, the virgin came to realize the serenity of the forest. There was no one else around, just him and the wildlife of which he had come to admire. Such a simplistic life.
The virgin approached his cabin and noticed something creeping up the bark of a newly planted oak tree across his front yard. Was it a snake? No, certainly not. Snakes don't sprout multiple heads, that couldn't possibly be it. Was it a hose? Without a doubt it was not.. Do hoses even exist in Minecraft? The virgin was starting to have his doubts.
As the virgin approached the viridescent chaotic bramble before him, he finally came to his senses. "Holy fuck I'm a moron", he typed in off-topic chat, "I was scared there for a second."
The virgin pulled out his shears and proceeded to remove the constricting lines from the oak tree. He tried his luck in trade chat, but to no avail. "WTS vines, 3c for 5!..." No response. "Please, I have a wife and kids" the virgin proclaimed, but the chat remained desolate. Knowing that he was out of luck and that OP mobs were about to spawn, the virgin made his way into his cabin so he could rest before another hard day's work.
The virgin entered his cabin and immediately hung the recently sheared vines on the wall before taking his seat in front of the fireplace. After a few minutes of going afk and then returning, the virgin noticed something...
The vines... the way in which they had grown in no sense of direction and were now hanging from the wall, were somehow seducing him. "Is this even possible?... How am I getting turned on by a plant?" the virgin thought to himself.
Blood started rushing, and before he could do anything, the virgin's "stick" had become a "diamond sword". Flowing with testosterone, the virgin yanked the vines off the wall, wrapped them around his neck and forcibly triggered autoertoic asphyxiation. With his adrenaline pumping, the virgin did not fear death. He was lost in the orgasm and choked himself til his face was the complexion of a purple wool block.
The virgin was going complete beast mode. He took his armor off and dropped it on the ground. "Fuck armor stands!!" he screamed, "WHO EVEN NEEDS ARMOR WHEN YOU'RE /PVP TOP ANYWAYS!!" as he casted his most prized gear into the fires of the furnace. In a state of vexation, the virgin unwrapped the vines from his neck and ran outside with them.
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU OINKERS?!?" he roared as he ran up to the stable behind his house. Oinkers, the lone piggy within the stables, just spun in circles as minecraft pig AI is absolute ass. The virgin ran up to the pig and shoved the vines as far down the pig's throat as he could. He then went around to the other side and pulled the shit-stained vines out of the pigs ass. "Yes... YES!!!" he screamed. This was the high point of his year if not his entire life.
The virgin was determined to commit the minecraft equivalent of seppuku. He took the pigshit infested vines and performed a violent castration on himself that in turn caused his HP to hastily drop to 0 on behalf of his now pigshit infested bloodstream and lack of "slimeballs".
I am the virgin.
That's why Doobzzz isn't on PvP top.
The end.
Did you actually read this far? Yikes.
Thanks for reading.
- Doobzzz
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