Dimlight25
Stone
- Joined
- May 26, 2012
- Location
- United States of America
For the past year, I have been writing a book in both the fantasy and sci-fi genera. My goal is 700 pages, but i also plan to surpass it. I have read so many book series with books of the same size, and since I have a good imagination, decided to start writing my own book series. I spent months creating my fantasy worlds, and realms(other dimensions) in my book. Took many weeks to make names and basics for main characters and landscapes.
I made this thread so i can get some feedback about some parts in the first book and maybe some edits here and there. I, under no circumstances, will post the whole story on the internet till I have been finished. I'm just going to post some of my book that could give some people basics about it.
Here is the Prologue, copied from my word document:
Back in the days of old, there was only a single, purified realm. This realm named itself the Crystalion realm, named after what the people call themselves as a species. This species never age, never lie, and never steal. These people believed in a purified realm, where no living creature could be impure.
These people soon became intelligent enough to be able to create a machine, able to create and travel between new realms. This machine was soon called the Rift. Once one was created they couldn’t help but create more for travel purposes. The creation of the realms was soon cancelled from the options of the Rift due to too many realms created. A total of ten realms were created, and each as impure as the other. During this time, new species were forming within these realms, becoming more intelligent and tainted like the realms they lived in. Soon, crystalions started wondering what these impurities are thinking, why they think how they think, and if they could become like the crystalions. Pure.
A project was initiated to study and learn about these realms and how their inhabitants think and live. The Rift ripped holes through space so that living things can travel between the realms without any mistakes that could be fatal. The crystalions that traveled there soon learned how they lived, ate, slept, and thought. The crystalions were amazed at how much they were like themselves. But before they knew it, they started to think and act like these species from these realms. The species had tainted minds, like warfare, power, greed, truthlessness, and impure thoughts. This soon spread and almost every crystalion was just like every other species, nothing more pure then the next.
People started and ended wars. They stole, killed and cheated. And once this was done, it happened once again. So goes the chain of life, some say, but others would still believe that the crystalions are the purest of all life. They are soon going to be mortally wrong. Once the study of Pure Energy started, there was no stopping what would soon come, and it won’t be anything good, not at all. Pure Energy created all realms, including the crystalion realm, and can destroy them afterwards. And so life continues. At this rate, there would soon be something, or someone, that will make a very fatal mistake for all that is known and will come. Some people believe that the crystalion realm is impure, and should not have the right to continue that study of realms and their people.
This was a start of the first war that the Crystalion realm has ever encountered. This war is known as the War of Archium. Archium is the purest of all energy, able to wipe anything living from existence, and give no chance for rebirth. With this Archium, scientists created a weapon that lets loose a pure wave of Archium within about ten miles of the detonation. This war lasted only for one week, but wiped out sixty-five percent of the crystalion population, never to be reborn again. The Creator, or god, of the Crystalion realm is named Holio, a giant beast about twenty-five meters in height, with an immunity to Pure Energy ended the war with a single blow. This wasn’t a physical blow, but more of a mental attack to freeze and force memories into every crystalion in place to think a little about what they were doing wrong.
Ever since Holio saved the crystallions from eternal demise, she was treated as a god. Holio soon disappeared, because she believed that all is pure and equal, even if they don’t think correctly like one should. The people took this, and decided to purify themselves, by erasing all cruel thoughts as best as they can by not telling their children anything about war or greed. They also soon sealed away the Rifts, but they couldn’t live long without them because they became accustomed to the people of the other realms and their minerals and resources. They soon started living together again. The Creators of all the realms went into hiding except for a few which became eternal rulers of those realms. Those gods have become tainted with greed and war.
These are just stories told millions of years ago, there isn’t even a living crystalion that remembers anything about these stories, so they have become legends you tell your kids to go to bed at night, sometimes give them nightmares. Now life just goes on as usual, and continues with everything that they did before. There is no way to get rid of the taint; the crystalions just came to live with it. They still believe in natural purity, so they never pollute, or use anything that pollutes the air. And with this they came to live normal lives with no trace of legends, except in stories.
The crystalions decided to live without these improvements. They got on just fine, natural life not being tainted, and the crystalions living off all that they ever needed. Friends, family, food, and life. These are all that one person would need to live. They observed other realms, how they continued to pollute the realm that they lived in, or at least their planet, but once space travel started in all these realms at about the same time, they managed to pollute every part of their realm, and continued to do it.
The crystalions observed in only a special group, for curtain crystalions, ever since they got tainted, would get ideas just from watching them. Very few elderly crystalions were able to travel freely through realms, for they have lived their whole lives in the Crystalion realm. One way to get to a realm at an earlier age is to be banished from the Pure Realm, into a specific realm for the rest of their ageless lives. To be banished, you have to do something mortally wrong, as stealing a very valuable, or deadly, object that could kill hundreds, even thousands. You could also have many crimes on your head, as assaulting or murder multiple times. This happens rarely, but has been increasing over the thousands of years that the crystalions live, close to becoming common.
The crystalions have a government, butno leader, no single person that gets more power than the other. The only body that has a slight bit more power is a group called the Crystalion Knights. These knights don’t even govern much of their own realm, for they patrol the realms just in case another breakout, like the War of Archium, happens and millions to billions of all the realms die. There was a time where there were no weapons, and the Destroyers of the realms lived in a human form, rather than being bound now in the form of a weapon.
There are Creators, the gods of a realm, Destroyers, a group of gods that, during the War of Archium had been sealed away in weapons to preserve their energy to wielders, and Guardians, crystals with a mind and powerful energy source all their own. The three make up a realm and its attributes.
Each Creator, Destroyer, and Guardian as powerful as the other. The three, during the War of Archium, fought together, Creator wielding both the weapon and crystal, which equaled both victory and defeat. With this power, the Creators held the lives of everyone in their realm in their hands, wielding the power to destroy other realms. The Creators thought just like a crystalion or human would, greed and power taking the best of them. Even Holio fought in battle in her maiden form wielding the Destroyer and Guardian of her realm, which are now lost in modern times.
What could happen if this happens again? Could the Creators save us this time, or would it even work with the taint growing every day of every year? A few memories wouldn’t be able to save us this time; the next Archium War would more than likely be the last.
[Do NOT copy this for I have the story being copyrighted while I write the story, and i can sue]
I made this thread so i can get some feedback about some parts in the first book and maybe some edits here and there. I, under no circumstances, will post the whole story on the internet till I have been finished. I'm just going to post some of my book that could give some people basics about it.
Here is the Prologue, copied from my word document:
Eternity
Book 1
The Realm of Eternity
By: Dylan Workman
Prologue
The Realms
Once, there was nothing. No one person knows how or why, but something big, something bright, created itself out of nothing, and soon there was life. No wind blows. No light shines. No life lives in nothing. This was the start, of an unknown ending.Back in the days of old, there was only a single, purified realm. This realm named itself the Crystalion realm, named after what the people call themselves as a species. This species never age, never lie, and never steal. These people believed in a purified realm, where no living creature could be impure.
These people soon became intelligent enough to be able to create a machine, able to create and travel between new realms. This machine was soon called the Rift. Once one was created they couldn’t help but create more for travel purposes. The creation of the realms was soon cancelled from the options of the Rift due to too many realms created. A total of ten realms were created, and each as impure as the other. During this time, new species were forming within these realms, becoming more intelligent and tainted like the realms they lived in. Soon, crystalions started wondering what these impurities are thinking, why they think how they think, and if they could become like the crystalions. Pure.
A project was initiated to study and learn about these realms and how their inhabitants think and live. The Rift ripped holes through space so that living things can travel between the realms without any mistakes that could be fatal. The crystalions that traveled there soon learned how they lived, ate, slept, and thought. The crystalions were amazed at how much they were like themselves. But before they knew it, they started to think and act like these species from these realms. The species had tainted minds, like warfare, power, greed, truthlessness, and impure thoughts. This soon spread and almost every crystalion was just like every other species, nothing more pure then the next.
People started and ended wars. They stole, killed and cheated. And once this was done, it happened once again. So goes the chain of life, some say, but others would still believe that the crystalions are the purest of all life. They are soon going to be mortally wrong. Once the study of Pure Energy started, there was no stopping what would soon come, and it won’t be anything good, not at all. Pure Energy created all realms, including the crystalion realm, and can destroy them afterwards. And so life continues. At this rate, there would soon be something, or someone, that will make a very fatal mistake for all that is known and will come. Some people believe that the crystalion realm is impure, and should not have the right to continue that study of realms and their people.
This was a start of the first war that the Crystalion realm has ever encountered. This war is known as the War of Archium. Archium is the purest of all energy, able to wipe anything living from existence, and give no chance for rebirth. With this Archium, scientists created a weapon that lets loose a pure wave of Archium within about ten miles of the detonation. This war lasted only for one week, but wiped out sixty-five percent of the crystalion population, never to be reborn again. The Creator, or god, of the Crystalion realm is named Holio, a giant beast about twenty-five meters in height, with an immunity to Pure Energy ended the war with a single blow. This wasn’t a physical blow, but more of a mental attack to freeze and force memories into every crystalion in place to think a little about what they were doing wrong.
Ever since Holio saved the crystallions from eternal demise, she was treated as a god. Holio soon disappeared, because she believed that all is pure and equal, even if they don’t think correctly like one should. The people took this, and decided to purify themselves, by erasing all cruel thoughts as best as they can by not telling their children anything about war or greed. They also soon sealed away the Rifts, but they couldn’t live long without them because they became accustomed to the people of the other realms and their minerals and resources. They soon started living together again. The Creators of all the realms went into hiding except for a few which became eternal rulers of those realms. Those gods have become tainted with greed and war.
These are just stories told millions of years ago, there isn’t even a living crystalion that remembers anything about these stories, so they have become legends you tell your kids to go to bed at night, sometimes give them nightmares. Now life just goes on as usual, and continues with everything that they did before. There is no way to get rid of the taint; the crystalions just came to live with it. They still believe in natural purity, so they never pollute, or use anything that pollutes the air. And with this they came to live normal lives with no trace of legends, except in stories.
Since early times, the realms have been known to the crystalions. The crystalions don’t age, so they can accomplish more things than most mortal beings that are just like them. If an idea comes into play, then the people would just want to make it better, until they learned that this was tainting natural life. Factories pollute the air, and well as horseless carriages, for they run on the planets internal minerals, that were never meant to reach to surface.The crystalions decided to live without these improvements. They got on just fine, natural life not being tainted, and the crystalions living off all that they ever needed. Friends, family, food, and life. These are all that one person would need to live. They observed other realms, how they continued to pollute the realm that they lived in, or at least their planet, but once space travel started in all these realms at about the same time, they managed to pollute every part of their realm, and continued to do it.
The crystalions observed in only a special group, for curtain crystalions, ever since they got tainted, would get ideas just from watching them. Very few elderly crystalions were able to travel freely through realms, for they have lived their whole lives in the Crystalion realm. One way to get to a realm at an earlier age is to be banished from the Pure Realm, into a specific realm for the rest of their ageless lives. To be banished, you have to do something mortally wrong, as stealing a very valuable, or deadly, object that could kill hundreds, even thousands. You could also have many crimes on your head, as assaulting or murder multiple times. This happens rarely, but has been increasing over the thousands of years that the crystalions live, close to becoming common.
The crystalions have a government, butno leader, no single person that gets more power than the other. The only body that has a slight bit more power is a group called the Crystalion Knights. These knights don’t even govern much of their own realm, for they patrol the realms just in case another breakout, like the War of Archium, happens and millions to billions of all the realms die. There was a time where there were no weapons, and the Destroyers of the realms lived in a human form, rather than being bound now in the form of a weapon.
There are Creators, the gods of a realm, Destroyers, a group of gods that, during the War of Archium had been sealed away in weapons to preserve their energy to wielders, and Guardians, crystals with a mind and powerful energy source all their own. The three make up a realm and its attributes.
Each Creator, Destroyer, and Guardian as powerful as the other. The three, during the War of Archium, fought together, Creator wielding both the weapon and crystal, which equaled both victory and defeat. With this power, the Creators held the lives of everyone in their realm in their hands, wielding the power to destroy other realms. The Creators thought just like a crystalion or human would, greed and power taking the best of them. Even Holio fought in battle in her maiden form wielding the Destroyer and Guardian of her realm, which are now lost in modern times.
What could happen if this happens again? Could the Creators save us this time, or would it even work with the taint growing every day of every year? A few memories wouldn’t be able to save us this time; the next Archium War would more than likely be the last.
[Do NOT copy this for I have the story being copyrighted while I write the story, and i can sue]
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